


Hold on to me (cause I'm a little unsteady)

by pressolo23



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Happy Ending, Love, Secret Relationship, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26268823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressolo23/pseuds/pressolo23
Summary: Something in Christen's head is telling her she's not enough even tho her girlfriend is telling her she's more than enough.orWhat is really going on inside of Christen's head after the last game in Rio.Inspired by the song Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	Hold on to me (cause I'm a little unsteady)

**Author's Note:**

> so this is something I wrote in 2016 and now I want to share it again so I'm sorry if there some mistakes in my grammar, English is not my first language so maybe there is something that not make sense, if you saw something please let me know so I can fix it.  
> To clarify the underline words are the ones I change from the song so it can match the work better

Christen's Pov

The final whistle was heard all over the field, the other team had won and would go to the final while we'd go home. I turned and saw my teammates holding their tears, then I saw my girlfriend standing there without any movement, she was just there, static, without any reaction. This is all, I ruined the Olympics for the person I love most and especially I ruined the Olympics of a whole nation.

I sighed and bit my lip, this can’t be happening, this must be a nightmare. I saw Carli in the middle of the field, kneeling , these were her Olympics and I ruined it. I took a deep breath and look at the floor, I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I turned and saw my girlfriend with watery eyes, her arms surrounded me by the neck as I did the same in her waist, the hug didn't last long.

"This is not your fault" was the last thing I heard from her before going to the locker room. I saw her walking away from me for a few minutes, it made me feel a hole inside me, I felt that in any moment I would collapse.

**_Hold, Hold on, Hold onto me, Cause I'm a Little unsteady, A little unsteady_ **

The moment I walked into the locker room and saw all my teammates trying to comfort each other, the same pain I felt when I saw Carli out there hit me like a flashback. I Walk to my place and put all my stuff in my backpack, I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

(...)

On the way to the hotel nobody said anything just the sound of the bus was heard. Tobin never let go of my hand since we got to the bus but for me that wasn’t enough and apparently she had noticed because her eyes were on me all the time.

_**Hold, Hold on, Hold onto me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady** _

When we arrive at the hotel I went straight to my room, ignoring Tobin. One I was in the room I lay on the bed and automatically let myself cry as I had never done before, I felt a pair of arms surround me and I immediately knew it was Tobin, she brought me closer to her body while saying things that I couldn’t hear. Half of my face was stuck on the bed while I'm trying to separate myself a little from Tobin.

"Don't shut me out Chris, don't you dare do it," she said in my ear, "none of this is your fault, you heard me, don't blame yourself, I still love you, the whole team still loves you" she hugs me more "Chris please, you are incredible, you are more than what you were today, Chris you're an excellent player and everyone knows it, stop blaming yourself with this, please don't do it, okay? , where is that positive and cheerful girl I know? tell me Christen, where is that girl?" I didn't answer, she just let me break down on her chest, my phone started ringing and Tobin took it "baby, it's your mom" she gave it to me and sighed.

"Chris, baby you okay?" It was the first thing she ask.

“ ** _Mama_** please **_come_ _here_** please I'm dying inside **_approach_** Please **_appear_** " I let out a sob "Tell **daddy** I'm felling like **_I'm alone cause this place don't feel like home_** "

"Honey, Tobin is with you, she’s not going to leave you alone, we can't understand you the way she does now, trust her, listen to her and let her guide you again, you are strong Christen, don't let something like this make you collapse, we are with you and we support you always "

"Mama, I feel like I lost everything, I don’t feel so good with myself"

"No Chris, this time the help you need is from Tobin" She sigh "I must go, Tobin will help you" she finish the call and I throw my phone across the room. I Look at Tobin and I snuggled into her.

**_If you love me, don't let go, Whoa, If you love me, don't let go_ **

"I love you Chris, I don't care about what happened today on the field, I don't care about that medal, I don't care of any tournament or competition, I care about you now and I don't want to see you like this, I don't want to think that you are feeling like you ruin my Olympics because you didn't, god, it's not your fault Chris, it's not, don't you dare think it's your fault my love" her voice started to crack as she said those words "don't you dare, Chris please don't" she kiss my forehead "is not your fault. "

I knew her purpose, oh of course I knew, but it was too late to change my thoughts on today, she would not be able to disappear the hate I feel for myself that easily.

(...)

* 2: 40 am *

I took my bags and left them in the hall, I went back and left a chaste kiss on Tobin's cheek, she moved a little and a small smile appeared across her lips, I sighed and left the room.

When I came down to the lobby Dawn was already waiting at the door with my plane ticket.

"She will care for you Christen" I took my ticket and sigh "and you know that if she ask I will tell her" I nodded "go, and be carefull" I nodded and got my stuff into the uber that was waiting for me.

Tobin's Pov

I turn and stretch my arm to bring Christen near to me but I found a cold and an empty space, I got up and look around the room.

"Chris" I look in the bathroom and her thing weren’t even there, I look in the closet and her bags weren't there "fuck" I take my phone and left the room and ran to Alex and Allie. I started knocking on the door repeatedly until Allie opened.

"Tobin, what the hell it's like four in the morning" I enter the room without a word and started walking side by side with my phone stuck to my lips.

"Tobin? What are you doing here?" I turned and saw Alex sitting on her bed.

"Christen's gone, her things are not in the room and I don't know what to do, I don't even know where she is exactly, she dind't leave me any message, Alex I know she's not fine" I sat on the edge of her bed and covered my face with my hands, "I knew I had to stayed awake, god knows I had to, I need her to be safe Al" my tears fell freely down my cheeks, Alex was at my side trying to confort me.

"Tobin, she flew back to Chicago" Allie said looking at her phone, "I sent a message to Dawn and she told me she was gone like an hour or two ago" I got up and left the room.

I enter my room and I started packing all my stuff in the suitcases, I felt when Alex came in and started helping, I mutter a thank you and I continued packing my clothes, she put a hand on my shoulder and dry the tears that were still in my face, She then smile while she handed me a Stanford hoodie, I put it on and took a deep breath, I closed my bags and took them into the hallway.

"Tobin, Dawn and I found a ticket to Chicago, your flight leaves in an hour and a half" Allie said when she saw me.

"Thanks Allie" she smiled and nodded.

Alex and I went down to the lobby and went to the front desk to leave the key, then Dawn appeared with my papers for my flight.

"I had everything ready, I knew this would happen when she asked for her ticket" I nodded and went with Alex, she had ordered an uber before and I put my bags in.

"Take care, okay?" I looked at her and smiled a little "and tell Christen she have all my support"

"I will Lex, thanks for everything" I hugged her and opened the door.

"Let me know when your plane lands"

"I will"

(...)

Christen's Pov

When I entering my apartment I felt more alone than before and not having the presence of Tobin complicated things a thousand times more. I went to my room and took one of Tobin's sweatshirts and lay down in the bed hugging it.

**_Hold, Hold on, Hold onto me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady_ **

After a few hours my phone started ringing, it was the ninth call from Tobin in an hour, I lock my phone and left it on the bed, I turn and take her pillow that still had her scent, I embrace it with her sweatshirt and stay like that for a while.

**_Hold, Hold on, Hold onto me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady_ **

My phone started ringing again but this time it was my mom calling, I sat down and leaned on the headboard, I answered and she started talking.

"Tobin told me what you did and I want to let you know that that wasn't right, she is worried and I am a little bit sad that you didn't heard me" she sigh "Chris you can't run out of this way, remember that if you suffer she also suffers with you"

" ** _Mother, I know you are tired of_** my behavior but I can't handdle myself now and I don't want to drag her down with me, I know that it's was a mistake leaving her in Brazil and now I regret it Because I'm tired of **being alone** ," I said with a lump forming in my throat, I sigh before she say something more "I know that **_Dad_** is a little mad at me but I can't do nothing now and I know that you are mad at me too and **_i know_** that Tobin **_is trying to fight when she feels like flying_**"

"Honey, we're not angry with you, we are sad that you have to go through this," I nodded, I knew she couldn't see me but I did anyway. I heard a noise from the living room followed by a familiar voice.

"Mama, I must go, I think she came for me" I end the call and left my room and carefully walk down the hall to the living room where she was placing a giant bouquet of roses on the table. When She turned around I ran to her and hugged her wrapping my legs around her waist as if I never wanted to let her go.

**_If you love me , don't let go, Whoa, If you love me, don't let go._ **

"Chris, oh my God, you're here," she said as she hugged me "you are here" she repeated softly, I hid my face in her neck, smelling her scent in person is definitely a hundred times better. As she could she walks to one of the kitchen chairs, she sat me down and she settled herself between my legs, supporting her hands on my thighs and sighed before speaking.

"Chris don't do that again," she said as her tears began to fall down her cheeks "I thought I'd lost you and I didn't want to believe in something like that, Chris I want to help you but you need to help me to do that, you're too important to me and I don't want to lose you in any way" she kissed my forehead and sighed "I love you"

"I love you too" I wrapped my arms around her neck, "I love you so much Tobin, you have no idea and I'm sorry I left without telling you, I know it was a mistake," she chuckle and hug me.

"It doesn't matter Christen, we're together now," she said in my ear, "we'll be fine"

(...)

Tobin's Pov

Having Christen asleep in my arms was all I needed to know, she is safe in my arms, it's something that makes me feel that I have an important purpose in this life. I stroke her hair gently not wanting to wake her, I kissed her forehead and sighed.

_**hold, hold on** _

"I know you aren’t listening but I want to let you know that I know how broken you are and that's fine **_cause I'm_** broken too and I know that right now you are _**a little unsteady** _. But Please hold my hand and let me show you your road again, just let me **_hold_** you tigh on our bed until you feel fine" I take a deep breath and look at her "just _**hold onto me cause**_ I know that you are a _**little unsteady**_ now" I sighed and she settled more in my chest, placing her hand on my abs, I smiled and looked at the ceiling for a while.

A pair of lips began to kissed my neck, leaving chaste kisses on, I look into the eyes of the girl who was in my chest, she smiled and stand up and now we are face to face, her hand was now in my chest and her hair was on her right shoulder and her lips were open as a small genuine smile appeared on them.

"Hello," she whispered before crashing her lips to mine "did you sleep well?" I said no and her smile faded a little "Tobs, I will not go anywhere, you don't have to worry"

"I know, it's just that I was thinking, nothing else” I smiled “did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did," she smiled "you want to go to the kitchen and make something to eat together?"

"Whatever you want baby" she giggled getting out of bed taking me with her to the kitchen. She grab the things from the cabinets and put them on the table "you ready?" I nodded.

(...)

I Hold her hand on the table, she looked at me and smiled a little but that didn't convince me at all, I knew what she was thinking, I gave her a little squeeze and nodded, she understood what I meant and sighed.

_**Hold, Hold on, Hold onto me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady** _

"Chris everything will be fine, don't worry," I smiled "Come with me, I want to show you something" I stood up and took her hand, we left the apartment to our car "will be there in a little like thirty or forty minutes," she nodded as we entered the car "get comfortable my love"

(...)

Christen's Pov

I opened one of my eyes when I felt her arms wrap around me and to get me out of the car. She took me to the front and sat with me in her arms on a bench.

"Hey Chris, I know you're awake so I need you to see this" I turn my head to the side watching the lights of Chicago illuminating the night "is beautiful, right? Everything looks small from this point" I look at her and I admire how beautiful she looked with the city lights illuminating her face, I smiled, "it's hard to not imagine that people see us like small persons as we play in big stadiums," she laughed, "but it's a little funny that way from the stands but they don't know what it is to be there and feel the greatest, and it's even better if you play with your love" she looked at me and kissed my forehead" I love Christen" she brought me closer to her "you don't know how much I love you" she turned her eyes to the front and sigh. I got up and blocked her view.

"Marry me Tobs" I blurted out, she looked surprised for a few seconds until she smiled "I've thought about it for a long time and I want to marry you, what do you say? Will you marry me?" She nodded and stand up but went to the car looking for something. When she returned she kiss me and hugged me.

"Yes I will marry you" I sigh feeling relieved and smiled "you know? it's funny because I brought you here to ask you the same question" she took out a velvet little box from her pocket and opened it "so Christen, will you marry me?"

_**hold, hold on, hold onto me 'cause i'm a little unsteady a little unsteady** _


End file.
